Essay #4: Process Essay

I’ve never been a strictly right or wrong way of doing things kind of girl. I think there’s a lot of gray that can live between and on the edges of right and wrong. Sometimes it’s clear cut. Usually it’s hazy and a bit distorted. I have unequivocally determined, however that in any attempt I make at writing an essay, there are some things that are absolutely, positively wrong.

Night 1 of writing cause essay attempt I sat at the computer staring at that frappin’ cursor waiting for brilliance to blind me with the light of knowing. Nothing came. I tried setting the mood. Lit my candle, started the tunes and fluffed the pillows behind my back. Nothing. Ah ha! What I needed was a glass of wine. Something to settle the nerves and bring the ideas a flowing. No. Not a good idea. One glass turned into two turned into three while the blinking cursor and I fought over what should be written. Night 1; Lesson 1: Alcohol does not a good written piece make. It made me stupid, drunk and hung over the next morning. Moreover, it left me intro-less.

Night 2. Again, the blank white of forever nothing blinks like an accusation. My eyes are heavy. It’s late. Physics equations are tormenting my tired brain. What I need to de-stress is a good night of writing. Coffee pot spits out half decaf/half leaded liquid inspiration. An hour later and an empty pot and inspiration has spit out 3 or 4 intros of blah flavor. Midnight: I’m too tired to write but instead of opting for sleep and a fresh view in the morning I head for the kitchen. ¼ decaf this time. I need the juice is my reasoning. My writing after that second pot is like listening to a 33 LP played on 78 rpm’s. There’s another 7 intros that have absolutely no chance of a second paragraph and it’s 4 am. Morning finds me hazy and with a terrible taste in my mouth. Night 2; Lesson 2: More coffee at midnight leads not to inspiration. It leads to 400,000 trips to the bathroom and a worthless next day.

The third night of my attempt was 2 nights later. I sat down at the computer with a vengeance. I was determined that THIS was the night of genius. I opened the document titled “really bad intros”. Edit, Select All, Delete. I didn’t need those bastard children anymore. Nope. Tonight I’m going to make amends to all of the writing angels and write the whole shebang. The essay would be posted before nights end. No wine, no coffee, just me and the word fairies. Yep. Any minute now. *blink *blink *blink. Okay…any minute now then. Has it really been an hour? Oh, God why did I delete those 11 intros?? One of them would have worked. I could have made it work. I got so wrapped up in what I threw away that Night 3 was a bust. Total bust. I sat in that chair for 3 hours cursing my deletion, the fairies, the man (it just HAD to be a man that invented essays) and John A. Goldfine. Night 3: Lesson 3: Really a bad idea to toss out the drafts until a final cut has been posted.

I’m not saying that I’ve figured out this whole essay writing process. I do know that each step of the way I’ve learned some really valuable lessons that, for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, I’m happy to share with you.